Parents and the barriers to running for office
One of the first people I told about running for office said to me “Thanks, because we need more working parents in the legislature.”
As I have learned, there’s a reason why the parents of small children - especially the primary caregivers - are one of the most underrepresented groups in American politics.
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The barriers to entry
Most people, when thinking about running for office, worry about being able to do the job, or the process of talking to voters, or just the idea of putting yourself out there as a public figure.
For me, none of that was the problem. My background is in policy so the actual work is the easy part. I enjoy talking to people. And no amount of mean strangers on the internet can compare to the feeling of doing standup in the United Kingdom to a silence so strong you think you’ve damaged transatlantic relations.
My concern was simple. With a four-year-old at home, and being the primary caregiver, could I even find the time to give it a real try?
Would I be able to juggle campaign work and parenting duties?
And does spending the last few years running bedtime routine when all the civic and network events that candidates are supposed to have gone to mean that I started at an unconquerable disadvantage?
The stats
There’s no single good database for primary caregivers in political office, but we do have a proxy from the Vote Mama Foundation, which tracks mothers with minor children in elected office. Here is their report on state legislatures from 2024.
The numbers are stark.
Only 1.7% of all state legislatures are mothers with children under six years old. Only 7.9% of state legislators are mothers of children under 18. This is despite the fact that 39% of US households include a child.
That does not mean elected officials do not have children. Many do. It means that many people get into office only after the most intense years of parenting are behind them. Nancy Pelosi is perhaps the best example. She first ran for Congress in 1987, when she was 47 and her youngest daughter had one year of high school left. Pelosi said in her memoir that she - the daughter of a Congressman, sister of a Mayor, and former chair of the California Democratic Party - only considered running because her youngest was almost ready to take care of herself.
We also have people who do this the opposite way. Nearly all of the people I know around my age who are in office with small children were elected before their kids were born. When I considered running for city council last year, I spoke to one elected official with small children who told me that he probably couldn’t have managed his first, and toughest race, if he already had kids.
The impact
Childcare costs are rising and Massachusetts has some of the highest in the country. Housing costs are going up just as fast, meaning that people who might need more space for another crib are priced out of moving, or stuck with long commutes that take time away from family. Social media has transformed parenting in ways we still barely understand but where the solution of age-verification may be worse than the problem.
That is the representational problem. If we construct a political system to filter out new candidates who are currently dealing with the problems of many voters, it stands to reason that those concerns will not be as clearly addressed.
According to Vote Mama, Massachusetts ranks 42nd in the country for mothers with minors. I’m not saying that this is why housing and childcare are so expensive, but it certainly doesn’t help.
How to fix this
The central reason parents are blocked is simple: time.
The job of being a candidate, especially a first-time candidate, is extraordinarily time-consuming. I have been told, repeatedly, with the frequency of a catchphrase in a 1990s sitcom, that I need to spend every waking moment knocking doors, standing outside T stops, attending events, and doing call time (phoning potential donors for money, a blight on our democracy that I’ll write about later).
And, to be clear, this advice is not wrong. Doors matter. Visibility matters. Events matter. Money matters. A campaign is not won by having good opinions and hoping someone notices.
But the times when I am supposed to be campaigning - 5 to 8 p.m. on weekdays, 10 to 6 on Saturdays, 12 to 6 on Sundays - are also when parents are taking care of kids.
I cannot be knocking on a door a couple miles away and doing bath time at home. I cannot be at every community meeting and also make dinner, clean up, read books, find the lost stuffed animal, negotiate over pajamas, and get a four-year-old to sleep.
Below is what a candidate should be doing on a typical weekday, compared to what my typical day has.
This is supposed to be where I say something inspiring, like “nothing stops a parent.”
But as every parent knows, lots of things stop us.
A runny nose stops a workday because we have to stay home. A meltdown stops a dinner at a restaurant. A spouse staying late at work stops attendance at a community event.
I am feeling that pressure right now. I am writing this on a Sunday afternoon at 1:19 p.m. It is prime campaigning time, but I’m at swim class waiting for my son. My wife has been under the weather the last few days and needs today to finish work before the week starts.
I say this not to trawl for sympathy - though if that sympathy happens to translate into campaign donations, here is the link - but because it should be better understood.
I chose to do this knowing it would be an obstacle. I am fortunate in that I work for myself, which gives me flexibility during the week. My wife, parents, friends, and cousins will be helping a lot as the campaign heats up.
In fact, the more I thought about how hard it is to be a parent and win an election, especially as a first-time candidate who isn’t already in the political system, the more motivated I was to do it.
But many people do not have that ability or stubbornness.
So what can we do about it?
Public matching funds would make it easier for people with deep local connections, but without wealthy networks, to run viable campaigns. More civic events should be held remotely, hybrid, or at times when parents can actually attend. Civic groups should actively recruit parents to run and then help them campaign, rather than assuming the candidate can do everything alone. And we should normalize children being present in civic life. A parent bringing a kid to a meeting should not be treated like an inconvenience. It should be treated like a sign that democracy is still connected to real life.
If I win, I’ll be making a point of reaching out to parents where they are, as well as every other group that faces barriers in participating, and of passing legislation that helps them get involved.
Too often, we treat campaigning as something that only some people can do, and good luck if you have any other responsibilities in life.
I’m sure there are many people across Massachusetts and the United States who would have made great legislators and would have helped our country be governed better, but the thought of knocking on doors when you had to read stories, or dialing for dollars when you needed to change a diaper, kept them from taking the first step.
Our politics is poorer for it.
